The Plunge!

 I try to post to my blog regularly. But sometimes that is not possible. I seem to post when there is a change happening or a pivotal moment in my life. Those are the times I find myself in need of telling a story with my words. Well this is one of those moments. I am in the midst of  the biggest career changes since I became a nurse. Those of you that know me personally know that I have always worked at OSF Saint Antony Medical Center in Rockford, IL. I have also only worked in Neuro/Trauma/Burn ICU. Now don't let my lack of changing jobs/depts fool you. I have gained sooooo much knowledge and experience there in the last 7 years. For most of my career there was never a dull moment on that unit. I worked with some of the smartest and most experienced RNs out there. Not to mention those doctors that actually took the time and chose to take me under their wing and teach me. I am definitely a much better and far more experienced nurse than when I came out of nursing school...Obviously! LOL

But for those of you that are near and dear to my heart, I will give you a bit of background. I grew up in Elgin, IL since I was 9. It is the place I consider my hometown. Now, I have always wanted to be a nurse. All my life that is what I told everybody that asked me "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" So, when it was time to select a college I looked into local schools like NIU. I also looked across the country like ASU (jus cuz most kids do, trying to get as far away from their parents as they can-LOL) My big brother was already a student and a star football player at Rockford College. It was on a whim that I applied there thinking that it would be cool to go to school with him! I checked into their nursing program, and it turned out to be really good. I got accepted and so that is where I went! Fast forward 2 years, I needed a flexible part time job, and my mom told me the only job I was allowed to take was one in healthcare. I applied at the closest hospital to campus...Good ol OSF. I worked on the Medical/Oncology unit for my remaining 2 years in school.

I got to see and experience so many different types of nursing when I was in college. But it was not until my final semester that I had one specific type of nursing speak directly to my soul. I took a job as a tech in the ER at OSF. It was freakin' amazing!!! I loved it. But the crushing news came down from management that because this ER is a Level I. This means it provides the highest level of surgical care to trauma patients. It has a full range of specialists and equipment available 24 hours a day. Not to mention that it is a certified chest pain and stroke center. So in short "NO NEW GRADS ALLOWED!" I was told to apply for a residency (6 month intense orientation w/ an experienced RN) in the ICU and get 1 year of experience, and then come back. Well folks...that is almost exactly what I did. All except coming back in a year. After spending my residency and my first year as a nurse in the Neuro/Trauma/Burn ICU I was in love with my job! I loved it do much that I put my dream of being an ER nurse on hold, a looooong 7 year hiatus.

But I have been thinking alot about my life and my career lately. After 7 years in the ICU I have been felling a bit burnt out for a while now. Because of this I began to reevaluate what I want my career to be. I want to share my gift with the world in the best way I can. And of course my heart took me back to my first dream in nursing...ER!!! The time I spent in the ICU has given me an amazing platform to launch me into a new an exciting way to help people. 

So after much soul searching and cold feet/chickening out about a year ago (LOL don't ask) , I am taking the plunge!!! I have decided to not only leave my unit, but I am taking on an even bigger and definitely very scary challenge. I will be starting at a new hospital! Look out Sherman Hospital, cuz here I come! I am completely excited about my choice and I think this opportunity will challenge me in many new ways!

I am ready to help those that are in need. The reason I love the way an ER helps people is simple. It allows me to feel like I am really helping those in need and saving a few lives too. I want to show my skills to all those that need help, not just the ones with insurance. I need a much more selfless way to do the work that God put me here to do. And with this amazing opportunity...I CAN!

I have always loved the thought of being a member of an ER team. Because regardless of race or social class u get the same care. And I love that. It becomes about the patient, not a money making machine. We are the first people that a person/family sees when they need help. I want to be a part of that!

Waaaaay Back In The Day...Seriously?!

New grads or old school RNs alike...Take a look back at the history of the nursing profession.
I found this list @ carenurse.com It demonstrates the "Day in the Life" of a Nurse day in 1887—before routine charting was even invented. Enjoy!!!

1887 Nursing Job Description:


In addition to caring for your 50 patients, each bedside nurse will follow these regulations:

1. Daily sweep and mop the floors of your ward, dust the patient’s furniture and window sills.

 2. Maintain an even temperature in your ward by bringing in a scuttle of coal for the day’s business.

3. Light is important to observe the patient’s condition. Therefore, each day fill kerosene lamps, clean chimneys and trim wicks.

4. The nurse's notes are important in aiding your physician’s work. Make your pens carefully; you may whittle nibs to your individual taste.

5. Each nurse on day duty will report every day at 7 a.m. and leave at 8 p.m., except on the Sabbath, on which day she will be off from 12 noon to 2 p.m.

6. Graduate nurses in good standing with the director of nurses will be given an evening off each week for courting purposes, or two evenings a week if you go regularly to church.

7. Each nurse should lay aside from each payday a goodly sum of her earnings for her benefits during her declining years, so that she will not become a burden. For example, if you earn $30 a month, you should set aside $15.

8. Any nurse who smokes, uses liquor in any form, gets her hair done at a beauty shop or frequents dance halls will give the director of nurses good reason to suspect her worth, intentions and integrity.

9. The nurse who performs her labors [and] serves her patients and doctors faithfully and without fault for a period of five years will be given an increase by the hospital administration of five cents per day.

Obligation Vs Choice

I try to preface each of my posts with some background as to how, and why I am writing about the chosen topic at that particular moment. This one is no different...

Preface: I do not have cable in my home at the moment. This is a personal decision made for many reasons. So, because of this fact I can only watch what comes on TV via the antenna hooked to my television. I usually don't watch daytime TV, but the other day I found myself watching "The Steve Wilkos Show." I know I know, ridiculous. At any rate, I was drawn to this episode because it involved a young woman who was unsure of who her biological father is. She had been given the impression as a child that a certain man was her dad. That man was lead to believe that same thing. They both came on the show to take a DNA test to finally find out the truth after so many years of wondering. Apparently this man has been in her life since her childhood and he always assumed he was her biological father. Even after his relationship with her mother ended he remained loyal and loving to her as if he knew for sure she was his daughter. He loved her unconditionally. He prefaced the reading of the results by stating he didn't care if she was his blood or not, she was and always has been HIS daughter. The results were read...And...He was NOT her father. The young woman became visibly upset. And just like a real father would, that amazing man rushed over to her in order to comfort and assure her that the results did not change how he felt. He would always be her father. Wow...It takes one big, beautiful heart to make the choice to act as a parent to a child who is not biologically yours. Steve Wilkos then made a statement...He said biology isn't always best. Sometimes you find out who your biological parent is and you are then worse off than if you didn't know. He made a point about how lucky she is to have a man who chooses to love her like a father. Sometimes that is better than the real thing. You know it is real love when they have a choice and they choose to stick around and love you despite the fact that you are not biologically their child.

Blood...Father

I found myself getting very emotional at the thought of this. Unlike the woman on the show though, I do know who my "FATHER" is. But there is another man that I see as my dad. I had a biological father that would rather put me down or ignore me entirely than act like a father should towards his own flesh and blood. As a college student I faced all the emotion involved in looking back on the childhood I had, and learning about who my father really was. Now don't get it twisted, I had the most amazing mom. She made every effort to shield me from the reality as a child. And I love her for that. But as an adult I had to face who my father was and why he made the choices he made. He was not a stupid man, so some would deduce that he was just incapable of love. But as the years past and I came to find out more and more about him, the notion of his incapability of love was disproven. I was shown that it was just me that he was incapable of loving. And I was damaged by this truth for a long time. But now, a few years after his death, I am coming to peace with it all. And one thing that has allowed me to heal is the realization that I did have a man in my life that provided me with the love a father should. And the most amazing part is...he did it not out of obligation, but by choice.

Let me elaborate. I always talk about "My Parents" in conversations. But I catch myself and feel the need to explain to those that don't know me very well that when I use that reference I mean my mom and my step-dad. My mom has been married to my step-dad for just shy of 20 years. And he has been more of a dad to me than I could have ever asked for. When my own father could not or would not be there, my step-dad was. He has always been the man I look up to. I love him for choosing to act as a surrogate father. All of the things he has done for me are made that much better when I realized that he does those things, on a daily basis, by choice. He never had to step into the role of "DAD" for his wife's daughter. But he did, without a second thought. That fact has been monumental in the healing process in regards to my father.

Choice...Dad

My step-dad or John as I lovingly call him just celebrated his 65th B-Day. We had a big family party where all of us "kids" were able to be there. And if you know our family, this is no easy task. As the party was winding down I saw my step-dad get a big brown bag and make his way into the living room. He began pulling out heart shaped tins and giving them to all the girls (ie my sisters and sister in laws) along with a kiss on the cheek. Now, for those of you that know John, this public display of affection is very uncharacteristic him, but a welcomed gesture by me!!! This once again reaffirmed for me how lucky I am in my life to have such an amazing man and "DAD." I just hope he realizes how much he has changed my life and how thankful I truly am to be loved by him! Thank you John for choosing to love me!

A Toll On My Soul...

 I am very passionate about my work. Saving lives is what I was put on this earth to do. It is MY PURPOSE. But dealing w/ life and death everyday can be tough on the soul, but I wouldn't change a thing. My mom is a nurse as well. I come to her for advice and reassurance when my career takes a tole on my soul. The following is an email I got from my mom after the first in a small collection of the toughest nights in my career thus far. I was faced w/ death's reality head-on for the first time in my career. It was an angle on life and death that I had never experienced before. It was truely a life altering event for me professionally and otherwise. And now nursing is a fixture in my life and who I am. And I do it well!


And now in the words of "The Original" GR-8 1, The illustrious  Ellen Pyrek aka MOM
Remember death is yet another of life's transitions.  When all else fails; if you can help to make that transition more peaceful and less painful and support those left behind; as a nurse you have succeeded.  The decision of when it is another's time to go is not, after all, up to us!!! The patients and families I have cared for are not simply faces from the past. There is a place in my heart where I remember each and every one, and I have a unique legacy from each of them that spurs me onward. I am a better nurse because of them. I am a better person because of them...!" 
So after a tremendously sad holiday weekend or any other time I need to be reminded of the reason why I do what I do, I come back to this e-mail. And it brings me back to amazing opportunity I was blessed with to touch people's lives. I have found peace in the fact that no matter what the outcome I play a pivotal role in the game we call LIFE.

 Thanks Mom...

The EveryDay SuperHero Legacy-The Origins...

As most of you know I have always thought of myself as a superhero of sorts. The EveryDay SuperHero to be exact. My life's work allows me to touch lives in a way that very few others can. I have the ability to ease pain, save lives, support grieving families/patients, laugh and cry with them daily, and many other very amazing things. My calling as a nurse has changed me forever. But I'm sad to say that I cannot take credit for anything about this phenomenon other than the hard work I put in to become the best nurse I can be. Oh no, you see because I am not the only one w/ this SuperHero heart. Both my brothers are EveryDay SuperHeroes as well.

My oldest brother Scott is a cop and puts himself in harms way to help others and keep us safe. And my brother Steveis a fireman/paramedic that saves lives and doesn't think twice about running into burning buildings. But that is not beginning...It all started w/ our SuperHero mom. It is her heart and desire to help others that has made our family one full of extraordinary people that help others and save lives every day at work.! I refer to this as the Crawford SuperHero Heart, but the truth is that my mom's spirit and The Conner blood that courses through our veins are what made all of us humble enough to serve others.  Is it possible to have so much selflessness is one family? The Crawford Family is proof. And the most amazing part of this is I see that beautiful selfless soul and giving heart carrying on to the next generation!
There are already 4 Crawford boys and another one on the way in the next generation of EveryDay SuperHeroes. And I can already see that the legacy continues. What a way to show our one of a kind mom how much she means to not only us but to the world! So stay tuned for future installments as I headline each of The Crawford Boys and their amazingness!

Photography Is NOT A CRIME!

I love the art of photography. It has really enriched my life in sooo many ways! I am blessed to have a vision and a passion that I am able to share with the world. Photography has given me a unique voice and allows me to express myself, and allows others to see the world as I see it, at least for that moment. But as my art evolves and I branch into different types of photography I have met some resistance. It seems as though if you are not the standard family/portrait/wedding photog you are viewed as a "THREAT." Public or Street Photography has always been an interest of mine. But it seems as though this type of photography is seen as Terrorism. What are these people afraid of? JPG Magazine says it the best~"In a post 9/11 age of paranoia and suspicion, public photography is increasingly seen as threatening, or mistaken as criminal...Amateur photographers are the documentarians of real life. We capture our world to help us understand it. We are not a threat." It is the ones that are trying to censor us that are the real threat. I plan to continue taking photographs of RAW, REAL life as it happens. As I do so, some people may be offended by my artistic point of view, but still I WILL shoot on. And you can be certain of one thing-I am educating myself on the law and my rights so I can start my crusade to bring the truth to the people. So, anyone that is interested-Please continue to follow Crawtography and see the results of all the exciting adventures my new found passion for Street Photography is bringing to my art!                 

 Some Facts That May Interest You:

1. Anyone in a public place can take pictures of anything they want. Public places include parks, sidewalks, malls, etc. Malls? Yeah. Even though it’s technically private property, being open to the public makes it public space.
2. If you are on public property, you can take pictures of private property. If a building, for example, is visible from the sidewalk, it’s fair game.
3. If you are on private property and are asked not to take pictures, you are obligated to honor that request. This includes posted signs.
4. Sensitive government buildings (military bases, nuclear facilities) can prohibit photography if it is deemed a threat to national security.
5. People can be photographed if they are in public (without their consent) unless they have secluded themselves and can expect a reasonable degree of privacy. Kids swimming in a fountain? Okay. Somebody entering their PIN at the ATM? Not okay.
6. The following can almost always be photographed from public places, despite popular opinion:
* accident & fire scenes, criminal activities
* bridges & other infrastructure, transportation facilities (i.e. airports)
* industrial facilities, Superfund sites
* public utilities, residential & commercial buildings
* children, celebrities, law enforcement officers                                               
* UFOs, the Loch Ness Monster, Chuck Norris
7. Although “security” is often given as the reason somebody doesn’t want you to take photos, it’s rarely valid. Taking a photo of a publicly visible subject does not constitute terrorism, nor does it infringe on a company’s trade secrets.
8. If you are challenged, you do not have to explain why you are taking pictures, nor to you have to disclose your identity (except in some cases when questioned by a law enforcement officer.)
9. Private parties have very limited rights to detain you against your will, and can be subject to legal action if they harass you.
10. If someone tries to confiscate your camera and/or film, you don’t have to give it to them. If they take it by force or threaten you, they can be liable for things like theft and coercion. Even law enforcement officers need a court order.

What To Do If You’re Confronted while photographing:

-Be respectful and polite. Use good judgement and don’t escalate the situation.
-If the person becomes combative or difficult, think about calling the police.
-Threats, detention, and taking your camera are all grounds for legal or civil actions on your part. -Be sure to get the person’s name, employer, and what legal grounds they claim for their actions.
-If you don’t want to involve the authorities, go above the person’s head to their supervisor or their company’s public relations department.
-Call your local TV and radio stations and see if they want to do a story about your civil liberties.
-Put the story on the web yourself if need be.

WordLess Wednesdays-My First Attempt...

WordLess Wednesdays-The Tuesday Preface To My First Attempt!

 On Wednesdays all over the internet, bloggers post a photograph or series of photographs with no words to explain it on their blog. Hence the ‘Wordless’ title. The idea is that the photo itself says so much that it doesn’t need any description. So tomorrow will be my "First Attempt..." 

The images I post WILL speak for themselves!!! But I need to say a few words before hand about the two amazing men in my post. They deserve at least a few words. This WordLess Wednesday is dedicated to the most wonderful heros I know...My brothers! They save lives at work...Jus like me. If you have to wear a bulletproof vest or run into burning buildings on a daily basis, then you qualify as a non cape wearing super hero in my book!!! So, all I can say is being an "EveryDay SuperHero" runs in our family...It's in our blood!

I love you guys and I am humbled daily by the selfless acts you perform at your jobs. You don't even think twice about walking into a multitude of dangerous situations in order to help others and/or save lives. I am in awe of you. I save lives, but you guys endanger you own to save another!!! Now that's a true "EveryDay SuperHero!!!" And this blog would not be complete without a huge SHOUT OUT to them!!! So be on the lookout tomorrow for a few shots of them in their "EveryDay SuperHero" Uniforms...

*****No Capes Needed!*****

The Reason I Do it...

I don't plan on posting this often, but the job I do everyday is amazing, rewarding, inspiring, heartbreaking and sooo much more! So sometimes thoughts of past patients come into my mind and I am moved by all those emotions again and again. Tonight was one of those nights. As I sit here now I am looking down the barrel of 4 yes 4 12-Hour shifts in a row over this holiday weekend and I ponder the past 6 years and all the patients I have cared for.

A patient's wife brought me back to a place tonight that is very dear to me! Before I continue let me give you a little background... I went straight from HS to Rockford College. After 4 years I received a BSN. After graduation I had BIG dreams!!! I was gonna be a Trauma ICU nurse...And that is jus what I did! I got a job at a Level I Trauma Center ( for those of you that don't know what that is, it means we take the worst of the worst traumas). I was 22 years old and probably the most naive and "wet behind the ears" girl out there. But the first summer I was off my orientation, (ICU nurses have to do 6  months of precepted training called a residency) was the by far busiest time I can remember! We were very very short staffed and it seemed like the traumas just kept coming...I smile now as I think back on that summer! 

But I swear that first year, I cried more than any other time in my life. I was touched and forever changed by so many people. I hope that I in turn touched the lives of those I helped. But one patient will always be at the forefront of my mind. He changed my career and my life...Anytime anyone asks me about a touching story or my biggest success, he and his wife are my first thought...ALWAYS. I can never tell his story without goosebumps or tears. I won't even try...But check out the video and have some tissues ready!!!

Brian & Annie I am a changed Nurse and a better person because of the amazing opportunity to be a part of your recovery! I am so glad that I was a part of it!

Come Walk A Mile In Our Shoes...

Well I have had this blog for quite a while. But I let it go by the wayside. You know how life gets in the way sometimes. I was also not sure I had enough interesting things to say that anyone else would care about. Then after becoming a huge fan of some of my amazing friend's blogs, I realized how much I DO have to say and how therapeutic this activity can be! So even if no one else ever reads it or cares about my "Rants" I now know that blogging allows me to express the array of emotions that my unique life stirs up!!!

For my first post I just wanted to share something I found today when I randomly logged into my Myspace account after 3 years...this was originally posted on 3/19/09. I didn't write this. It is a compilation of many nurses experiences, but it is so amazingly written that I just had to share it.

Come walk in our shoes for a 12-hour shift. Come see the joy, the tragedy, the comedy, the 100 ways we are pulled and pushed, then rate my "pleasant greeting", "answers call light in timely fashion", "states name of patient."
Use the bathroom now, because you might not get the chance again until your shift ends. Wear comfortable shoes. Don't worry if they're clean. They'll end up with blood and vomit on them.
We are the patient's advocate, the doctors' eyes and ears, and everyone's scapegoat. We can page your doctor but we can't make that doctor magically appear. We check your stitches, wipe your blood, drain your pus and empty your bedpan.
Nursing is a tough job, but we're tougher. We've been yelled at by administrators, supervisors and doctors. We've been kicked, slapped, punched, spat on, and sexually harassed by patients in various states of delirium, mental illness, arrogance, and intoxication. We've even had chairs and food trays thrown at us.
We work mandatory overtime, weekends and holidays. We eat Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with coworkers.
We deal with families who ignore visiting hours, bring food to patients on restricted diets, and insist on staying the night even though it's not a private room. We deal with the Florida son who orders us around to show a parent he's neglected for years that he cares. We cannot be at your side every waking minute. We have other patients. We cannot answer 5 call lights at once. We
can't stop doing CPR on a patient because you ran out of tissues. We are not maids, beauticians, or cocktail waitresses. We are professionals with college degrees.
We hate that we can't spend more bedside time with you. Swearing at us will not make us move faster. Taking better care of your health would help. Quit smoking. Lose weight. Start exercising. Stop drinking.
How do we survive? We ignore the nasty comments, the demanding relatives, the crazy staffing grids. We count to 10 before speaking. We pray every morning for strength and wisdom, patience and empathy. We drive home tired and frustrated, telling ourselves over and over , "I'm not the nurse I want to be, but I'm the best nurse the hospital staffing allows me to be." We fall asleep praying for the ones who won't survive the night.
There is no finish line, ever. Nursing is demanding, fulfilling, and we can't imagine doing anything else. Nothing beats washing blood and glass off a car crash survivor , stabilizing a broken neck, saving a diabetic's leg, keeping a cancer patient in remission.
The day we send a patient home we relish the unbelievable resilience of the human body and spirit.
We did not become nurses for the hours, the salary, or the glamour of it all. We became nurses to make a difference.
We don't ask for much...One sincere THANK YOU once in a while makes all the thankless hours worth it.