Choice, Chance, Change...

I found this image a few months ago as I was trolling Pinterest. I saved it thinking it just might be useful or speak to me in the future sometime. I didn't realize at the time how powerful these words would be. Back in September/October I wrote 2 very emotional and personal blogs. They touched on a subject that I never thought would be a part of my life...Domestic Violence. And here I am less than a year later still reeling from the emotional toll this whole experience has had on me. I must admit that I can't ask for any sympathy this time due to the fact that I made the same mistake that sooo many women in situations such as mine make. I allowed the man that had caused me so much pain in the past with his abuse, to talk his way back into my life and my heart. I know what everyone is thinking...Stupid right?! Yea, it turned out to be one of the worst decisions I have ever made in my life. I let him charm me into thinking that everything from the past was, well, the past, and that we were going to forge a new relationship and be partners this time. Oh boy was that wrong! Everything was AMAZING for a few months. He was everything I wanted in a significant other and I was thrilled! I actually fell head over heels in love with him all over again, and I truly believed that it was gonna be different this time. But then everything started to fall apart...just like it had every other time before that, Big surprise right?! He became worse than I even remembered.

So, of course I began to question my decision to give the relationship another shot. I hated myself for ever thinking that it could be different or that he was ever gonna change. And now I found myself back in a very bad situation. A situation that I swore I would never ever be again. But this time it was worse than last year because at least at that time, I was living with my parents, so I had a safe place to go home to. He and I were living together, and in essence I was more trapped than I had been before, and I was unhappier than I had ever been in my life. I couldn't even lean on my family because I had been hiding EVERYTHING from them for a very long time. I was suffering in silence. So, I woke up every day with one goal in mind...to find a way out of the mess I had created for my life. I knew I was the only one who could dig myself out of the hole I had created. He was not going to leave our apartment or my life peacefully. He made that very clear. And I was unsure if I had the strength to put up the amount of fight that it was gonna take to rid my life of all the poison I allowed him to bring in to it.

Like the image at the top of this post says, "You must make a CHOICE, to take a CHANCE, or your life will never CHANGE." So when the opportunity for me to finally make the right decision for once presented itself, I took a leap of faith...I ended the relationship. I found strength inside myself that I was unaware was even there. Now, I can happily say that it was, by far the best decision I have ever made. It was remarkably easy to walk away and not look back. It just goes to show you when you FINALLY reach your breaking point, ENOUGH Is Really ENOUGH!!! Now don't get me wrong, I still mull over the last 6 years. I think alot about the past. But doing this makes the future seem so bright for me. It took all of this to show me how strong I really am, exactly what I want and don't want in a relationship and a partner, and that the life I've always wanted is waiting for me! I can honestly say that I am thankful for all the experiences in my life. They have served to teach me lessons that would otherwise never be learned.

This experience has taught me sooo much about life, love and most importantly, about myself. I am now happier than I have been in a very long time. Since that fateful day, the last day I saw or talked to him I have begun mending the relationships that were fractured by my toxic relationship with the lying/deception that came from hiding my pain from the people who really care about me. I am a very lucky girl to have such an amazing and understanding support system. My family is unlike any other. And my friends are amazing. Everyone has forgiven my shortcomings and allowed me to be imperfect. It's amazing that we can pick right up where we left off! I am also forging new, healthy relationships with a renewed sense of who I am and what I want out of life. I guess I should be jaded, or harbor some sort of resentment or anger about the whole thing, but...I don't. I think my new outlook has allowed the healing to happen much faster than I ever thought it could. In the end, faith brought me the strength to see that I had a choice. I made a choice, took a chance and made a change, and my life will forever be changed for that reason.