Obligation Vs Choice

I try to preface each of my posts with some background as to how, and why I am writing about the chosen topic at that particular moment. This one is no different...

Preface: I do not have cable in my home at the moment. This is a personal decision made for many reasons. So, because of this fact I can only watch what comes on TV via the antenna hooked to my television. I usually don't watch daytime TV, but the other day I found myself watching "The Steve Wilkos Show." I know I know, ridiculous. At any rate, I was drawn to this episode because it involved a young woman who was unsure of who her biological father is. She had been given the impression as a child that a certain man was her dad. That man was lead to believe that same thing. They both came on the show to take a DNA test to finally find out the truth after so many years of wondering. Apparently this man has been in her life since her childhood and he always assumed he was her biological father. Even after his relationship with her mother ended he remained loyal and loving to her as if he knew for sure she was his daughter. He loved her unconditionally. He prefaced the reading of the results by stating he didn't care if she was his blood or not, she was and always has been HIS daughter. The results were read...And...He was NOT her father. The young woman became visibly upset. And just like a real father would, that amazing man rushed over to her in order to comfort and assure her that the results did not change how he felt. He would always be her father. Wow...It takes one big, beautiful heart to make the choice to act as a parent to a child who is not biologically yours. Steve Wilkos then made a statement...He said biology isn't always best. Sometimes you find out who your biological parent is and you are then worse off than if you didn't know. He made a point about how lucky she is to have a man who chooses to love her like a father. Sometimes that is better than the real thing. You know it is real love when they have a choice and they choose to stick around and love you despite the fact that you are not biologically their child.

Blood...Father

I found myself getting very emotional at the thought of this. Unlike the woman on the show though, I do know who my "FATHER" is. But there is another man that I see as my dad. I had a biological father that would rather put me down or ignore me entirely than act like a father should towards his own flesh and blood. As a college student I faced all the emotion involved in looking back on the childhood I had, and learning about who my father really was. Now don't get it twisted, I had the most amazing mom. She made every effort to shield me from the reality as a child. And I love her for that. But as an adult I had to face who my father was and why he made the choices he made. He was not a stupid man, so some would deduce that he was just incapable of love. But as the years past and I came to find out more and more about him, the notion of his incapability of love was disproven. I was shown that it was just me that he was incapable of loving. And I was damaged by this truth for a long time. But now, a few years after his death, I am coming to peace with it all. And one thing that has allowed me to heal is the realization that I did have a man in my life that provided me with the love a father should. And the most amazing part is...he did it not out of obligation, but by choice.

Let me elaborate. I always talk about "My Parents" in conversations. But I catch myself and feel the need to explain to those that don't know me very well that when I use that reference I mean my mom and my step-dad. My mom has been married to my step-dad for just shy of 20 years. And he has been more of a dad to me than I could have ever asked for. When my own father could not or would not be there, my step-dad was. He has always been the man I look up to. I love him for choosing to act as a surrogate father. All of the things he has done for me are made that much better when I realized that he does those things, on a daily basis, by choice. He never had to step into the role of "DAD" for his wife's daughter. But he did, without a second thought. That fact has been monumental in the healing process in regards to my father.

Choice...Dad

My step-dad or John as I lovingly call him just celebrated his 65th B-Day. We had a big family party where all of us "kids" were able to be there. And if you know our family, this is no easy task. As the party was winding down I saw my step-dad get a big brown bag and make his way into the living room. He began pulling out heart shaped tins and giving them to all the girls (ie my sisters and sister in laws) along with a kiss on the cheek. Now, for those of you that know John, this public display of affection is very uncharacteristic him, but a welcomed gesture by me!!! This once again reaffirmed for me how lucky I am in my life to have such an amazing man and "DAD." I just hope he realizes how much he has changed my life and how thankful I truly am to be loved by him! Thank you John for choosing to love me!